Nursing U's Podcast
Nursing U is a podcast co-hosted by Julie and Caleb. We embark on an educational journey to redefine nursing within the modern healthcare landscape.
Our mission is to foster an open and collaborative environment where learning knows no bounds, and every topic—no matter how taboo—is explored with depth and sincerity. We delve into the essence of nursing, examining the intimate and often complex relationships between nurses and their patients amidst suffering and death.
Through our discussions, we aim to highlight the psychological impacts of nursing and caregiving, not only on the caregivers themselves but also on the healthcare system at large.
Our goal is to spark conversations that pave the way for healing and innovation in healthcare, ensuring the well-being of future generations.
'Nursing U' serves as a platform for examining the state of modern civilization through the lens of nursing, tackling issues that range from violence, drugs, and sex to family, compassion and love. We will utilize philosophy, religion and science to provide context and deeper understanding to the topics we tackle.
By seamlessly weaving humor with seriousness, we create a unique tapestry of learning, drawing wisdom from the experiences of elders and the unique challenges faced in nursing today.
Join us at 'Nursing U,' where we cultivate a community eager to explore the transformative power of nursing, education, and conversation in shaping a more whole and healthier world."
Disclaimer:
The hosts of 'Nursing U', Julie Reif and Caleb Schraeder are registered nurses; however, the content provided in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing shared on this podcast should be considered medical advice nor should it be used to diagnose or treat any medical condition. Always seek the guidance of your doctor or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or health concerns. The views expressed on this podcast are personal opinions and do not represent the views of our employers or our professional licensing bodies.
Nursing U's Podcast
Ep #014 - From High-Stress to Heartfelt: A Nursing Odyssey
Transitioning from the high-stakes world of ICU to the intimate sphere of hospice care, Caleb reveals what it truly means to connect with patients on a personal level. Experience how the quiet strength of community combats isolation, shared through stories of personal growth and resilience, like overcoming the hurdles of quitting drinking. Julie and Caleb bring their own life changes to the table, including moves and makeshift recording setups, painting a genuine picture of the evolving balance between work and life.
We navigate the depths of fulfillment in nursing, drawing parallels between guiding fellow nurses and steering a ship through tumultuous seas. Explore the delicate dance between patient care and the moral injuries inflicted by systemic healthcare challenges. By embracing roles as educators and leaders, particularly in specialized fields like hospice and pediatric home health, we find a deeper sense of purpose that transcends traditional caregiving.
Choosing positivity is more than just a mindset—it's a lifestyle. Dive into the contrast between the serene nature of hospice work and the frenetic energy of hospitals, exploring how this impacts emotional resilience. Through raw conversations, we confront the emotional toll on nurses, urging a reevaluation of care that begins with self-compassion and authenticity. Join us as we illuminate the path towards a more connected and emotionally sustainable world for healthcare professionals and their patients.
Hi, I'm Julie.
Speaker 2:And I'm Caleb. Welcome to Nursing U, the podcast where we redefine nursing in today's healthcare landscape. Join Julie and I as we step outside the box on an unconventional healing journey.
Speaker 1:Together, we're diving deep into the heart of nursing, exploring the intricate relationships between caregivers and patients with sincerity and depth.
Speaker 2:Our mission is to create an open and collaborative experience where learning is expansive and fun.
Speaker 1:From the psychological impacts of nursing to the larger implications on the healthcare system. We're sparking conversations that lead to healing and innovation.
Speaker 2:We have serious experience and we won't pull our punches. But we'll also weave in some humor along the way, because we all know laughter is often the best medicine.
Speaker 1:It is, and we won't shy away from any topic, taboo or not, from violence and drugs to family and love, we're tackling it all.
Speaker 2:Our nursing knowledge is our base, but we will be bringing insights from philosophy, religion, science and art to deepen our understanding of the human experience.
Speaker 1:So, whether you're a nurse, a healthcare professional or just someone curious about the world of caregiving, this podcast is for you.
Speaker 2:One last thing, a quick disclaimer before we dive in. While we're both registered nurses, nothing we discuss here should be taken as medical advice. Always consult with your doctor or a qualified healthcare provider for any medical concerns you may have. The views expressed here are our own and don't necessarily reflect those of our employers or licensing bodies.
Speaker 1:So let's get started on this journey together. Welcome to Nursing U, where every conversation leads to a healthier world.
Speaker 2:Welcome back.
Speaker 1:Yep, welcome back Another week.
Speaker 2:Another week. It feels like it's been a long time since we recorded.
Speaker 1:Well, we didn't record last week.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's been like two weeks.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we've been busy A lot going on A lot going on, yeah, but I was very excited to record today. I was actually looking forward to it yeah same. It's, yeah, it's, it's helpful, yeah, in all aspects.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was trying to describe it to someone, uh, this weekend and the way that the way that I've been describing what we're doing is and the name Nursing you. Like Julie and I are having the conversation, we're nursing each other, and us having that conversation and sharing it with everyone else is nursing you, the audience.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And as we talked through it, it was the healing Like just us talking it to have community and have a shared experience with someone. So many times we feel so isolated and alone and doing this it just feels so. It feels so good to to have somebody to share.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it feels powerful, like you have a place for all the thoughts swimming around in your head and you have like-mindedness, so you can compare, understand that other people also feel the same way, therefore not feeling so isolated.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So even if and I think just listening to us talking can be can help people not to feel so isolated. I know when I was listening to podcasts, when I was quitting drinking, it was almost like a lifeline for me Listening to people who went through a lot of the same things and feelings that I did and how they were able to overcome and it is. It helps so much so we could state the obvious Caleb's in a new place.
Speaker 2:I'm in a new spot. Yep Got moved, got moved in and still have to figure out the decor back here. Sure.
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 2:And now that you have something.
Speaker 1:I'm going to have to get something, so I don't, I'll think about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right now I'm just in my daughter's office and I have to move her little things and I'm going to get something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've also taken on a new role in nursing, something I've never done before. I'm doing hospice, which is a complete it feels like a complete shift. You know we did a lot of palliative care in the ICU, that we worked in a lot, I mean, and you know that that setting it's you know you're it's totally different because you're there for 12 hours and and when you're doing hospice in home, you know you're going into such an intimate setting and know the nurse that I'm training with, you know the connection, the connection that they have with their patients is so different than anything that I experience in the hospital because it's long term it's. You know, a lot of times, hospice patients, you know they don't just go right away, they're there's, they can, I mean, it can happen, of course, but oftentimes I I I think there's there's a lot about hospice that I have to still learn. Obviously, I'm just starting, but who goes on hospice for what? Is so much more nuanced than I had anticipated.
Speaker 2:I expected that I would just come in and and you know you're going to see people in their home and they're going to die, and that's just you know, cause that's what happens in the hospital, right, you know.
Speaker 1:If you make it up the elevator. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:You go from ICU, you're on hospice, so get out of here.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we need a bed Right. And if you grab the lucky straw, if you make it, from the first floor to the fourth floor.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you don't, which is sad. But yeah, I can imagine it's a whole different, a whole different experience.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it's, it's bringing up. You know, I I haven't. You know, during COVID I didn't have the overwhelming experience of death. I had some, but it wasn't. It was nothing like what we had even at our hospital in the early mid-2000s. The volume of death that we experienced and the way that we experienced death there was so different. So having this new and unique exposure to death is bringing up some thoughts for me. To death is bringing up, bringing up some thoughts for me. And you know, I think you know, like I've said it so many times, the experience of suffering and death is completely siloed on the healthcare workers. And you know, going into, going into homes and and being with the families in such an intimate setting and having these conversations that you have with them and seeing them, them cope, and it makes me feel, you know, it makes me feel like they, they have a shared, we have a shared experience and just, you know, even though they're not healthcare workers, they are in-home healthcare workers and it it feels, I just feel a connection to them.
Speaker 1:Well, think about it. I mean we have talked about before and you have a strong connection to the fact that in this day and age, we do not share the death experience. It is siloed within the hospital the majority of it is and you are now experiencing the shared experience that you've talked about. That we're not doing. You are literally in it. Now. You are sharing the experience as it should be, as it used to be, as it always was.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Just like you've talked about in the past. You didn't take your if your family member was dying. You did not go to the hospital. That's not where you went them at home. The doctor may have stopped by. You dabbed their brow, you took care of their, you know, if they needed to be repositioned and I mean I'm talking about Laura Ingalls.
Speaker 2:Wilder days.
Speaker 1:That's the shared experience. That's how it always was, until some shift happened and everybody thinks everybody's got to go to the hospital because God, god, god, god, we can't touch them, we can't help them, we have nothing. We cannot do it. Almost exactly what they need. That is what they need.
Speaker 1:They need to be with their loved ones, sharing that experience. And so now you're kind of this overseer of that, with the knowledge that you have teaching these family members what the experience is going to be like, because, yeah, you're taking care of the patient, but you're also taking care of the family and teaching them and showing them, and they're probably teaching you and showing you a lot of things that I mean, I bet your mind is just explosion, exploding.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, one of the thoughts is is just the amount of trauma that we've experienced unnecessarily so many times, the people that come in. I mean, how many times does cpr really work? I mean it's, it's just not that common and we do all these heroic things to keep something alive, to keep someone alive that is trying to die, and that is you know. You know we, we carry that, we're still carrying that experience, all of those experiences that we've had. I mean it does, it does happen. It feels great when, when you do save someone and they come back and they're able to thank you, it's amazing. And not saying that we shouldn't try, but you know it's when you, the calmness of hospice is so beautiful in in contrast to our experience. Yeah, I mean it's, and we had those. I think. Well, this, this would be a fun question. Someone asked me a while back what was my best day in nursing, like it's easy to find. It's easy to find my that's a great question.
Speaker 2:So I know I know my best day in nursing. It was we were in the ICU pod, one room one, and this woman was, she was absolutely dying. There was no question about it and she knew it and she had accepted it. But she wanted to wait until her granddaughter could get there so she could say goodbye. And that conversation happened at the beginning of the shift and as the shift progressed, she it was. She just needed a lot of coaching on breathing. She was, she had some lung disease that was killing her and uh.
Speaker 2:So I approached the charge nurse and I said this lady needs needs me to be with her, and so I ended up sitting the remainder of the shift. I mean it was like 10 hours, you know, eight to ten hours that I sat with her and coached her and held her hand and and talked to her. I told her stories. It was that experience that you just don't get in the hospital. It's so rare that you get to do that. And I sat with her and she was so thankful and you know told me that I kept her, I helped her stay alive and her granddaughter got there at the end of my shift, they said their goodbyes and she died.
Speaker 2:I mean just like that. I mean it was, it was incredible and I felt, you know, I felt like I had given her, you know, I had given her, you know, even though I didn't do much of anything for her, the fact that that I was able to be there and give my life, energy to her, to keep, to keep her, you know, to just like what, what even was what else could it be?
Speaker 1:You weren't pumping her full oxygen, we didn't intubate her, we didn't put her on anything else, we didn't do drip. You were giving her life-sustaining energy and presence. You were giving her you and connection that kept her alive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, To meet the objective that she had, which was to tell her granddaughter she loved her and goodbye. And it was so incredible. It gives me goosebumps when I think about it. It was just such a beautiful moment. I think that's my best day.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:What's your best day in nursing?
Speaker 1:God.
Speaker 2:Easy to find the bad ones.
Speaker 1:I may have to come back next week. I don't I mean, you know just this. So the real. Now I'm like okay.
Speaker 2:Well, this kind of this kind of goes into what we were talking about before we started talking, which is connecting you know, we've talked about it recently connecting to the positive things. We're so programmed to connect to the negative things and that keeps us in this negative state of mind. So, connecting to the positive elements, I've got another story, the death story, a good death story.
Speaker 2:I don't remember which pod I was in or which room, but it was late at night and this guy was again. He knew he was dying and he just had one of those peaceful presences. He just had a peaceful presence about him and he fully accepted what was happening and and I stood, you know, I wasn't able to give him the same attention that I'd given the other, the other patient, but I was with him when he passed and I just remember, I remember look like I was standing beside his bed, um, my monitor was was up in the left-hand corner and I'm watching his heart go and and he's, he's gone. And I just I leaned over him cause you, can you, you just when the when the soul is gone, it's gone, and you know, like there's just a definitive, it just changes, and and I just I leaned over him and I got so close to his face and I was just like where did you go? Where'd you go, bro? Where did you go?
Speaker 1:Where'd you go, bro, Bro?
Speaker 2:where'd you go?
Speaker 1:Man and he's standing behind you creepy. Yeah, I'm right here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he heard me like I was, you know, nice to him and kind and generous. He was on the ventilator and maybe had an art line.
Speaker 1:And so you know, you just know like the ventilator obviously will keep them like mechanically breathing. But I was like, oh okay, so I went in there because he had nothing, he had no one, and I just stood by the bed and honestly I don't think, and I just stood by the bed and honestly I don't think I was even looking at the monitor, I was looking at him and you can tell, you just watch. And I think I got up, probably because it's like heart rate was like you know, now we're going. So I got up and went in there, cause I don't feel like anybody should be in the presence of no one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, whether it's five seconds or three seconds or five minutes or whatever so I think I saw his heart rate drop so I knew I knew it was happening.
Speaker 1:So I went in there, stood by the bed and just kind of waited and the breathing you know is more from like that guppy breathing, intermittent with the vent breaths, so you can just tell, and then that stopped. So then it was just like you can, I can hear it in my mind, of just the regular ventilated breaths and I swear to god. I felt like swear to God. I felt like through me, I goosebumps through me over across the room and like out that window that I was standing behind, he was here, I was the kid that went. And then out the window and the energy gone. No more neuro energy, no more heart energy, no more nervous system energy. Nothing was going through him and you know I wouldn't have said that was one of my best days. It was an experience for me that I know you nurses know when they're gone despite all the things keeping them alive.
Speaker 1:But I think one of my when I felt best at work probably I hate saying this, but is when I was doing supervisor and I would be able to help other nurses in a bind.
Speaker 2:I was literally just thinking about that my, my, you know my instance, where the physician abandoned me and the patient died like you. It could be a really good day for you. You saved me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it was saving other nurses, I think. For me it felt, you know, you could picture like the captain of a ship when we made it through the rough seas on the shift, and that was victory. Those were the. Those were good days for me. At least, that's what I experienced as good.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So saving and helping, helping the nurses even maybe with a difficult male Foley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can say I'm like nope, that's not how we do it. That is not how we do it. You are never going to get it in.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. Or the you know the draw sheet with multiple people pulling up a Pannus.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, victory.
Speaker 2:That is.
Speaker 1:And I can remember feeling the feeling of like, oh God, we fucking did it. Yeah, we did it, we did it, and I would go around sometimes and give high fives. Yeah, Like do you understand what we just did?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Are you understanding what we just got through?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So those were some of my best. What I would say but like was it? Is that really the best? I guess it was the connection with the other nurses that I felt was my, my place and my education and my ability to teach and support.
Speaker 2:Because I don't know, I guess the nursing examples are like Well, I mean, I said it at the very beginning, I think the very, very first podcast I deferred to you. You were, and are such a tremendous leader. It didn't matter how much chaos was happening, even if you didn't have control. No one ever knew it. You just always had that presence that we're going to get through this and it's going to be good. Always, you're a tremendous leader.
Speaker 1:And I don't know where that comes from. I mean, I feel like you know you can, you can build and grow leaders.
Speaker 1:But I had that from from day one, even in nursing school I was like that yeah well, you know, with your, with your little people, and because I was a, I went, I did like I graduated and I was turned 18 and then I went to some school and so I was probably like five years or six years out of high school before I went to nursing. So I mean, I had my undergraduate stuff. But when I actually got into nursing school cause, I started in 2000 and graduated and oh God, it was longer than that. I graduated in 91 and no, I graduated in 2000. So in 98,. So it was like seven years, um, you know, and no, I graduated in 2000. So in 98, so it was like seven years, you know. So all those little new new little nurses in CNA, before you know.
Speaker 1:So I was kind of always, maybe because of the age, I went to school like the mom. I didn't have kids yet, but I was like the mom and and had that role. And again, I think that kind of comes from our growing up and how we were and what we had to do and what kind of situations we were placed in and just things that develop your personality. So yeah, I think for me, a lot of my positive experiences at work were the in-between times of patient care, even though I feel like I was a really good at patient care and but it always let me down Like I just felt like, like I just could never do what I really wanted to do.
Speaker 1:I never could be the nurse I really wanted to be. I mean it was very rare, meaning I wanted to spend more time with the patients, wanted to be, there longer.
Speaker 1:I wanted to help them with their evening cares, I wanted to make sure that they were this tasks that needed to be done, and that left me feeling empty a lot of the time, and I think that has accumulated into what they're now calling moral injury, which is I just couldn't do what I knew I wanted to because of time, because time is time and not enough time and too much, too much to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So maybe that's why I lean more towards the education the leader charge nurse role of, because that gave me fulfillment. I do that.
Speaker 2:You were nursing staff right.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Along with my patients.
Speaker 1:But, you know, I feel like my ability to take care of my patients was at a level that allowed me to also nurse the staff, and nursing the staff left me feeling more fulfilled than than nursing the patients. I think I. I I mean there's just there's so many stories and so many patients. It's hard to say always and never in this, that and the other. But you know, I think, and I think that's why you and I are thriving in the jobs Like you will thrive in hospice. You and I are thriving in the jobs. Like you will thrive in hospice. I am currently working in a pediatric home health.
Speaker 1:So, I don't have a. I don't have a caseload. I literally take care of a little boy for 12 hours a day and it is like a little mini pick you. You know we have the suction and the vent and the that monitor and I get his meds and his tooth beating and all that, but it's very, very, very controlled and turn and watch and make sure and do all the things that my brain has feel. My brain says you are complete. When I leave there, I feel very complete. Is that your heart or your brain? Probably my heart.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Now my brain says you did, you did, you were able to get all that stuff done. It it's something like something breaks right there for me yeah, did you get all your tasks done? Yeah, did you see all eight patients. Yeah, did they get all their meds? Yes, they did, and everything was on fucking time. It's broken still. For me it's gotta be that, that presence, the being, the, the connection. So I feel very connected with my pediatric patient.
Speaker 2:I feel and I feel that he feels me there, fully present, not worried, not worried about your timeline of getting this matter that mad to your next guy.
Speaker 1:I can I'd stay. I give all meds on time, but I I have so much time in between to notice little things. You know, we've kept them out of the hospital multiple times because of the attention. The attention to it's just I don't know.
Speaker 2:It's fulfilling.
Speaker 1:It is very fulfilling. I leave feeling very fulfilled and I don't leave like I have to cut it off and leave it there because I can't fucking think about it. That's what we did so many years at the hospital and leave it there because I can't fucking think about it. You know, I've been doing it so many years at the hospital, just get to cut it off.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Give the mess over to the next nurse coming on. It's a mess.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You have no control over what they're going to do, only what you were able to do, and sometimes it feels like a bare minimum to those feelings, those lingering, I don't know ends that just are floating around out there, coming into these new positions later in life. It has been very interesting to kind of step back and look at. I mean, I would have never, I, never, I said the word. I will never work home health.
Speaker 2:I will never See. I think home health is the. I think it's almost the only solution that we have to the healthcare crisis.
Speaker 1:I do believe that now.
Speaker 2:I, I, it's, I just I see it very clearly that the models that we've been operating under for so long aren't working and families are going to have to take care of their own again. It's just going to have to happen, and I don't know what that looks like. I think nursing. Nursing would be just what you said, just as you were describing my role in in hospice, educating and overseeing and guiding the process, that that will just be kind of nodes of knowledge that bounce around from house to house to assist and and and provide guidance, because there's just too many people that are, that are on the threshold of needing care.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and there's just not enough of us. It's just just math, it's just math.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not add up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it does not add up. No it does not add up.
Speaker 1:But I think what? Yeah, it does not add up, no, it does not add up. But I think what we get out of our job has to fulfill something. So you know, it keeps the positive things kind of keep us there, but they have to outweigh the negative or you have to have a different perspective of it the negative, or you have to have a different perspective of it.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, I think that goes back to choosing, like I don't know. I read you one of the things that I had in my notebook about. You know, we, we have a choice in what we think about. So we can, we can choose to think positive thoughts. You can have the idea that you can have absolutely everything and still be sad, or you could be someone who has absolutely nothing and full of joy. It makes no sense, and really it's just the person that has the joy even though he has nothing and full of joy, like it makes no sense, and and and really it's just the person that has the joy even though he has nothing, is a is the person that chooses to use his imagination to think about good things. I mean, it's just crazy, like really I can just think about good things and and be happy.
Speaker 1:Well, it is you. Think about good things and be happy. It's such a crazy job. Well, it is you, and I know this because we've been practicing it and we've seen the results of what that produces in our own lives.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And it is. You can't say that it's not. It just is that way, I don't know. It's like a universal law or something. I mean it attracts like. Attracts like always.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And so if you are only thinking about the negative and only thinking about the times that are not fulfilling and all your bad experiences in your career, then that is what it's going to be. I mean, we get to choose to make it into what it is.
Speaker 2:We get to choose our thoughts.
Speaker 1:We do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which is like how many people are so angry and so upset about perceived injustices today? When they're choosing to think about those things, I mean not that the injustices don't exist or that there there shouldn't be something done. I mean, you know we're we're here doing doing this because of our experience and and and we want to do something about it. We don't want to just be lazy and wallow in our self-pity. We want to keep it to ourselves.
Speaker 1:We just can't hold it in. If you feel like you've got to say, gotta say something yeah and I've always felt like that I've been. You know I'm not. I've been pretty mally over the years and you know, if I think something and want it and I'm just gonna say it because that's just the way it is, and I think that makes your brain a little bit organized into reacting to what is perceived injustice.
Speaker 2:Or responding rather than reacting. Responding is more controlled. I mean, we live in a time that is so crazy in so many ways. We've made so many advancements in so many ways and yet we, we were still the same people that we were before we had all this technology and and the technology, I think it changes the way we think it changes the way we see. I mean so okay, so just mental workshop moment I was, I was on an airplane it's been years ago playing, it's been years ago, and I remember walking up behind this young girl.
Speaker 2:She was already in her seat. She's holding her phone and she's contorting, contorting her face to get just the right smile, just the right, the right thing, right, just the right angle, the right geometry, like she was studying her own geometry. And I had this moment of like. I got to my seat or I had time to process what I had just seen and it was so, so clear to me. Like you know this, you know I hate the word narcissist, I hate the catchphrase psychology things, but like in Greek mythology, narcissus, narcissus I think it was Narcissus he stared into the water at his own image and it ultimately killed him.
Speaker 2:I mean because he could think about nothing else but his own beauty. So this child is staring at herself, contorting herself, studying her geometry to get just the right image. And as I processed that, the mental workshop piece is how did we study geometry previous to when we had these devices in our hands? And you know we would study daisies and roses and flowers and natural geometries that existed completely external to us. The focus was external, it was never entirely upon ourselves as it is today. And I don't know how did how did I even get onto this ramble? What, what did you say that sparked these, these thoughts about technology?
Speaker 1:We have a choice to make and you know, if we're choosing to look at, look within and get to know you know thyself we'll have one perception of the world, versus if you're looking outside of yourself and blaming everything else, you'll have another perception of it. And so, choosing to block out pieces of the world, or pieces of you know, I mean, I wonder what she was thinking when she was doing that, was she?
Speaker 2:cultivating a perfect image for Instagram or whatever it was Presenting controlling herself.
Speaker 1:She was saying that that's important because she knows no other, or she does not believe that her own image is just perfect in and of itself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a thing, we've been sold that lie. Yeah, that's a thing. That's a thing, we've been sold that lie. I would definitely agree with that. I don't know. It seems like there was something more. I was chasing down something more there.
Speaker 1:It'll come to you, and so how does the hospice position differ from like working in hospital when for in your current job.
Speaker 2:It's the calmness that like just the essence of walking into a home. That's not that death is being experienced and you know, in the hospital it's, it's a crisis. It is you know, you know you're, you know, throwing yourself into every detail of this family's life and in an emergent way, like you need information, you need, you're, like you're, we are acting, are acting, we are. You know, death is something to escape, or maybe something that could be escaped. There's a epictetus is another greek philosopher, and I was reading. I was reading him this weekend and he said do not, do not be disappointed by, by things like death or natural disasters, things, things of that nature that you have absolutely no control over. You have to accept them and you have to move forward.
Speaker 2:And I think that that I kind of fell into that trap. I I remember the last body I put in a body bag before I left in 2013. And I was kind of angry, I was angry. I'm not saying I was kind of angry, I was angry and I just didn't want to put another body in a body bag. I was so done putting bodies in body bags and as if I had any control over that, like, of course, in, in the, in the, in the work setting I have, I have control over that. I can choose to put myself in that position or choose not to put myself in that position.
Speaker 2:But being angry at death and your inability to influence that is an unrealistic standard. And so the contrast of having the experience where I have answers, in the hospital setting, I have the answers, I know what to do, I can give this drug, I can do this intervention and I can save this life versus this family's accepted it. You walk into that room and it's so peaceful. You're on the same page. This is happening. We're not fighting it, we're just, we're going with the flow. We're going to take care of this him or her and peaceful, it's peaceful, it's beautiful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like they're running, running in the hospital. We run away from death and in an in-home hospice setting you're basically walking towards just walking it out, yeah.
Speaker 1:Where you know. You know the end is there. You don't know when it's going to happen, but you're just calmly walking. There's no running away from there's no, it's, it's a, it's a, it's a common thread of knowing and shared. I think that that is so huge that it's shared.
Speaker 1:I think that is the detriment to a lot of the nurses in the hospital who deal with a lot of death. Is it's not shared. It feels like it's all on you. I mean, you've got your two patients, even when, no matter where it is in the hospital, on the floor, and you've got four patients or five patients, and so does every other nurse, and one of your patients dies. You're getting some help, but they got their patients to take care like you get it for. Like, okay, are you good now, are you good? I feel good. Okay, you know, because they got their shit to do. Yeah, you, there's nothing shared about it at all. You want to get help and and physical support in doing all of the things you know you pull out. It's not just something you put in the computer.
Speaker 1:You pull out a death packet, packet yeah because it's got like five pages and 400 things you've got to do. Yeah, call a supervisor to fill out the packet.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, it's only shared within such a small amount of people, maybe three. Maybe, At night, if you're there, maybe, and those other people and even you, you, maybe, you more, but are not literally connected. They're helping from the periphery but there's no connection there and the act of a, of a human, the body and the soul dying and the soul, and then you just have the meat sack that is so energetic and it cannot help but seep into you and your energy, and those nurses as nurses, they're taking that all all of it on.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Especially when it's chaotic, especially when the families are chaotic. It it affects us.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. How could it not? How could it not yeah?
Speaker 1:And you might think you know, no, I'm good. I mean, I've seen so many dead bodies Like I can talk about a dead body for days. I can't. It doesn't matter that it. You can't see the way that it's that, that it's affecting you, because it's energy, it's something ethereal, it's not ethereal.
Speaker 2:It's not visible, it's below consciousness.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, completely incapable of perceiving.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It is. It's an experience that is better shared with other people who are also sharing the experience. Sharing the experience, and I think that's why you know some of those times that if nurses can think of times that they were literally able to sit with their dying patient, you know they're. I'm sure there are times that it it. It's a different thing. Rather than like, oh, you know, family calls out room, oh, you know needs medicine, you run in, go to the pixels, get the medicine, get the morphine, get the ad, hurry up. Dose is not in there. Call pharmacy. Run around, try to find a syringe Can't get it. She calls he's got to go pee, can't get it. Who did it? You know, do that. Call that.
Speaker 1:Then you finally get in there water, you know, whenever we bring you, bring up that death card or with the food on it.
Speaker 1:It's like just over and over and over and over, like it's nothing. It's a heavy weight, heavy weight. Now, how do you? How do you do it different? Can you do it different? Can nurses do it different? The ones who are still doing the work, still working in the hospital, still doing the work, still working in the hospital, still in the ICUs, still in the ER, still taking patients, all the patient death? What? What is it? What can you do different? Is it just a perception change?
Speaker 2:I mean I think you have to go through the, you have to go through the kind of the dark night of the soul. You have to go through it. You have to hit that rock bottom and and reevaluate I mean the innocence that I approached my career initially like I could and I couldn't approach it any other way because if I didn't approach it that way I wouldn't be a good nurse, I wouldn't be as skilled as I am, and I don't think if I did it any other way it would be uncaring, it would be uncommitted. Like you have to be committed to this career and until you get to that breaking point where something has to change. You know, and maybe, maybe some people don't have to go through that, I don't know, Good for them, Like bravo Um, but for us we had to. We had to get to that breaking care more or something, or too much, maybe, I don't know. I'm definitely open to that idea. I think I've probably cared more for others than I have myself.
Speaker 1:I think that's what it is than I have myself and I, that's what it is, not that the not care is there, but that maybe there's a disproportionate amount of care. So it's very heavy on them. Light on us, light, you know, not a lot of care for ourselves and our souls. That's where it is.
Speaker 1:Because nurses will still have to put patients in body bags. Yes, nurses will still have to deal with families and and. But maybe if you're, if you make it more, even, or even give yourself a little more I wasn't giving myself anything Maybe if you are caring and nurturing for your own soul and understanding how delicate that is and how precious and important it is to know who you are to care for you, to soothe your soul, to heal any broken parts of it, and you're doing that work, maybe that allows you to not be so affected by the things that you have to do Death and body bags and poop and pee and you know vomit it's my worst, I hate vomit, but you know what I mean like maybe, maybe it's that, maybe it's creating more of a like a boundary type.
Speaker 1:I always vision myself sometimes and you talk about geometry a lot too of like you know, the aura, the area around us and how it interacts with the other environment, and on an energetic level, versus like a level to what we can see and what we're actually around. And if I look at myself before and think, god, a lot of those circuits were broken, closed all the way, like the electricity wasn't getting through. There were a lot of broken connections and now I feel strong, I feel it's beaming like heavy, like not heavy strong energy, like a lot of it, and all most connections are made around my energy bubble that I am here on earth in move through the things, all the things that we have to do with more strength, with more power. Yeah, those words like confident, just wholeness, non-brokenness, non-brokenness, and so maybe they, maybe they don't see, they don't, those negative things don't get in so much anymore good things are coming.
Speaker 1:For sure, I feel it, I just know it. So yeah, like and follow. Yeah, follow. We love comments yeah, please call right yeah, tell us what your.
Speaker 2:Tell us what your best day in nursing was oh that, that would be perfect. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You kind of think about it.
Speaker 2:I had to really think about it yeah Well, you have to come back and you have to tell, you have to come up with a story or your specific story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, tell us about your best day in nursing. That would be so great.
Speaker 2:And maybe it's still coming, Maybe it's. Maybe it's nursing you, Maybe nursing you is going to be. Yeah, I think I'd be open to replacing my best day.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, even just recording feels so good. This is a. This is a good day in nursing, but when we're able to really see the impact that this has on other nurses and other people and healthcare workers when I mean hearing people say I hear that I was there wanting to tell their story that is a good day. So we are on YouTube and Apple and lots of other podcasts platforms, spotify, but the video, our video, is on YouTube, and so we're also on social media and TikTok. So we're stepping out of our isolation zones and we're trying to be social, which is hard sometimes, but we do it for us, we do it for you, so we will See you next time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:We hope you've enjoyed this week's episode.
Speaker 1:Remember, the conversation doesn't end here.
Speaker 2:Keep the dialogue going by connecting with us on social media posted in the links below or by visiting our website together let's continue to redefine nursing and shape a brighter future for those we care for.
Speaker 1:Until next time, take care, stay curious and keep nurturing those connections.
Speaker 2:And don't forget to be kind to yourself.